can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
