Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
