a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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