Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
