I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
