Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
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My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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