im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
