He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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