Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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