kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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