I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
why do cheetos always look like penises
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
