Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
