I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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