i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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