I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
