dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
