I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
