I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she was so not down for the gang bang
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
