put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
