I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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