Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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