hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
