im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I love you. Go after that dick
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
