So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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