I cockslap morals
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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