her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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