She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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