Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He has the fingertips of a God
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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