YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
