I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize