I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
