Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
