1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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