at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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