how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
