I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
