You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
