He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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