What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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