my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
