I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
