We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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