and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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