Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
