I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
