My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
