I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
