i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
