OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
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Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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