Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
it was like eating out sand paper
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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