dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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