I wannas sexs uuuuu
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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