after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
