i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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