i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
