would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
