i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
this just has baby written all over it
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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