Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize