ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
