Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
